Conception Story

Yes, the title is misleading.
I just want to tell you the story of how Mr. Cole Goulding came into our lives.
In a previous post, I talked about having HPV.
Well, I don't anymore!
Because of the surgery, shots, and taking good care of myself, my body battled it.
So to "reward" myself, I got pregnant.
Let me back it up for just a second; Broc and I were told we were probably never going to be able to get pregnant. I had a 23% chance of having a baby, and Broc was told he isn't very fertile because of his illostomy surgery etc.
So we thought, what the hell? Don't need protection, don't need birth control.
WRONG.
So. Very. Wrong.
One day I was sitting on the front porch and I hadn't been feeling very well lately, something was just off. I was super emotional (more emotional then I already am) and Leia was starting to treat me differently. In the back of my mind I said, "there is NO WAY, Haley Carol, you ARE NOT pregnant."
So for the 100th time, I bought a pregnancy test at the store.
Positive.
..........
I didn't believe it. I called Planned Parenthood and made an appt. for the next day to get a pregnancy test there.
Positive.
So I went into my Dr. because I was actually supposed to get an IUD put in, but I told him that I had 2 positive pregnancy tests and that I wanted to get my blood drawn and sent to the lab.
I came back VERY positive. 4-5 weeks pregnant.
It was time to tell Broc.
I was terrified. We were so poor and without a car and lived in a studio apartment with 2 dogs and a cat. What were we going to do??
So, like a  big wimp, I called him at work and told him we needed to talk when he got home.
"you're pregnant, aren't you?"
then there was silence, he hung up.
about 5 minutes later, he called back, "I threw up." my poor husband!
I started to cry and asked him what we were going to do. He came home as quickly as he could and we sat down and decided we needed to start finding a better place to live and living a better lifestyle etc.
Well, 11 months have gone by since then, and we are SO happy with Cole Goulding. Leia, sadly is gone to a different family, and Pepper our cat is with the upstairs neighbors we had in the avenues. We are in a cute 2 bedroom apartment with Todd, Broc is a supervisor at the Centerville Arctic Circle, and I am working at the Rec Center and grooming at home as well (searching for a grooming job at a salon or vet tech job at a clinic) Life is piecing itself together, and we have the most beautiful, happy, healthy baby anyone could ask for.
I am so grateful to have Cole Goulding in our lives. He is an absolute blessing and has made me a better person. I have seen the change in Broc and myself, as we've grown into adults and into parents. Thank you, Cole, for coming into our lives at the most unexpected time and making it absolutely perfect and beautiful. We love you.
Mom and Dad.

photo cred. Kelsey Yoakum

Cole Goulding Cozzens--Birth Story

Well, I have been itching to write Cole's birth story, and everyone that has had their babies AFTER me have already written theirs, so obviously I need to get on it.

Cole was 9 days late. And let me tell you, that was HELL! I was so ready to have Cole, mentally and emotionally, but not physically. I wasn't dilating, and turns out, LDS Hospital's policy is that first time moms will not be induced until they are EXACTLY 41 weeks, or if there is a medical concern, they will induce you before.
So, after 3 non stress tests, one emergency trip to LDS for fainting in my apartment one day, and hours of tears and stress later, I had an induction date; June 12th at 7 pm.
When June 12th finally came up, I was freaking out! I couldn't wait for 7 to come around. I spent the day cleaning, going through our hospital bags, and my mom even took me and Addie Mae out for pedicures right before! 6 o'clock rolls around, I get a phone call from LDS Hospital.
"Someone went into labor and your room was taken. We will call you when a room opens up."
............I sobbed.
For hours.
I couldn't believe that I had been waiting all of this time, and an HOUR before I'm supposed to go in, my room gets taken by someone lucky enough to go into labor and have their baby. The hospital told us to get some sleep, and that they would call me when a room opened up.
Like I was getting any freaking sleep.
I was now a week past due, and I had to wait even LONGER to have my baby.
Luckily for Broc, I cried myself to sleep that night. Then my phone rings at 3:30 in the morning.
"A room has opened up for you. We'll see you soon!"
Broc and I got in the car and HAULED to the Cozzens' house to drop off Todd, then drove to LDS as fast as we could, ran into labor and delivery, and FINALLY, had a room.

Immediately, they put an I.V. in me because I tested positive for strep B etc. and put me on fluids because I was very dehydrated. Next they gave me a pill that dissolved in my mouth to help soften my cervix, and told us to sleep. Naturally, Broc passed out. I was up most of the night, just listening to my son's heart beat, and realizing I would hopefully be seeing him in a couple of hours.
That's when the labor pains started, and boy were they AWFUL!
But, I wanted to fight through them as long as I could because I wanted to have a natural birth.
That didn't last long though, 4 hours into my labor, I was sobbing because the pain was so awful and I couldn't handle it anymore. At that point, the nurse told me I was getting an epidural, and I didn't argue one bit.
Getting an epidural, for me, was hell as well. My contractions were so bad at that point, when they told me to lean forward and stay still, my whole body was shaking from the pain and exhaustion I was going through, I basically gave myself a full blown panic attack.
Mind you, I have a high pain tolerance, so I was quite embarrassed that I couldn't deal with this as well as I expected myself to.
Finally, after trying to get the epidural in twice, the nurse gave me a sedative, laid me down on my side, and I guess they got the epidural in much quicker and easier, I don't remember though :) I was definitely drugged.
Next was the catheter, more fluids, and more waiting.
8 more hours to be exact.
It was 11:00 pm that night when I was finally dilated enough for them to call Dr. Beckstead and have me start pushing.
Side note, if you ever need a good OB/Family Practitioner, I HIGHLY recommend Dr. Beckstead. He made my pregnancy and birthing process so positive and easy. I absolutely love this doctor.
So, after an hour and 10 minutes of pushing, there he was....

Cole Goulding Cozzens
9 pounds 2 ounces
21 1/2 inches long
THE MOST hair I have ever seen on a baby. Beautiful, black, thick.
Giant eyes, only cried for about 20 seconds.
Perfection.
I started to cry, my heart was so full of emotion I can't even explain, and the long 9 month and 9 day wait was finally over.
I looked over to Broc, he was sobbing. He turned towards me and hugged me tight and kissed my forehead, I was in heaven at that moment.

Cole Goulding was a surprise baby. We weren't planning on him, but he came.
And all I have to say is, I don't wish my life to be any different.
The love I feel for this baby is indescribable, it's the most perfect, selfless, fulfilling love I have ever felt. When I first saw my baby boy, I thought my heart was going to explode.
I look at him now, STILL, and my heart hurts with the love I have for him.
You do not know true love until you are a mother, and that is a FACT. Because it is unlike any love you have for a pet, family member, even your spouse, it is the most perfect feeling in the world.

Cole Goulding Cozzens, you are, without a doubt, the GREATEST thing that has ever happened to Broc and me. We are so happy you are here, and love starting this journey called parenting with you. You are loved by everyone in our families, and adored and fawned over by everyone we know. Nothing will ever make us happier. You are the love of our lives.

Life with Todd

Okay, lets just get to the point.
I write A LOT about dogs.
Our dogs.
But why not?
They're our family, our furkids, what we live for.
SO GET OVER IT! :)

I'm just going to kind of update what life has been like since we added Mr. Todd into our family.
One word, CRAZY!
Okay two, crazy and AMAZING!
Todd is a NUTBAG!
He has energy, spunk, curiosity, love, fire....
He's everything you want in an Australian Cattle http://www.akc.org/breeds/australian_cattle_dog/index.cfm <--here's a little information on the breed if you want to learn more about it!

Him and Leia LOOOOVE each other.

He HATES swimming, so Broc threw him in the river at City Creek Canyon!

                                                                         

Broc playing with him and Boss (our friend Cam's dog) I love this picture

He was patient and let me draw eyebrows on him haha :)

 

Like I said, Todd is an amazing addition to our family. He loves to stare out windows, cuddle, meet everyone and every dog, and he is just bubbling with personality! Even as I'm typing this, he's snuggled up right against me. We love you Todd, and we are BEYOND happy to have you in our life. xoxoxoxox mommy and daddy

From adoption, to abandoned, to foster, to death, to adoption.

I now work at UAAC, The Utah Animal Adoption Center. I love it, for the most part (some attitudes around their could be changed) but the fact that I am working to give animals a 2nd chance is BEYOND fullfilling for my soul.
The only problem is, I can foster and I get one free adoption.
That's when Gramps came into my life.
Gramps was adopted from UAAC around 9 to 10 years ago.
Then a month ago, he was abandoned, left for dead basically.
In THE WORST condition an owner could possibly leave a dog in.
And I fell head over heels with him!

He was blind, deaf, and 15 years old. But he always had a smile on his face.
He had the attitude of an old man, he was a stubborn man :)
We only had him for 2ish weeks, then he could barely stand, poop, eat, just have a normal day.
So I, along with the staff at UAAC, decided it was time for him to go.


I was devistated.
I've had 3 dogs die this year, I've watched all 3 go.
BUT, they are in heaven with my Sunny, waiting for us to come meet them, in the heaven dogs exsist.

But there was a silver lining in all of this.
And his name is Todd.
He was brought in a couple of days before Gramps died, and we KNEW he was perfect for us.
He is about 8 month to a year old Australian Cattle Dog
25 pounds
Cute as can freaking be.
We. Love. Todd.
He has made me realize that Gramps wanted me and Broc to be happy, and trust me, we are!
I can't wait to have MANY MANY years with Broc, Leia, and Todd, one happy family.

We miss you Gramps.
We love you Todd, welcome to our family :)

Lets just get this over with!

I've been wanting to blog more, but haven't had the damnest thing to write about!
Then, just out of the blue, I realized I did.
And it's serious.
And if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.
Because this is another "harder" post for me to write.
But there are people out there I KNOW need to here it.

........I have HPV. And Cervical Cancer

If you don't know what HPV is, how you can get it (or prevent it) or just need a brush up on your STD knowledge, http://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv.htm will help you.
I've known about having HPV since August of 2010.
I don't even think my family knows about it.
My husband does, and he's find with it.

JUST TO CLEAR THE AIR, I am not a disgusting deformed woman in ANY way, I am perfectly healthy and "normal looking" and managing my diseases very well.
If ANYONE out there is offened by this, don't hate, just exit off of my blog and let everyone else continue onto reading. This is a hard subject to bring up, but I KNOW people out there need and want to hear this.
Men can get this too, so don't be stupid and immature, boys! ;)

Now, lets get back to business.
I'm sure whoever, if anyone is still reading this, have lots of questions. I'll bring up a few I've had the few people that know about this have asked me.

Q. Did Broc give it to you? And can he get it himself?
A. No. I had one other sexual partner before I met Broc. People, don't act perfect and think I'm some whore or something. It was a VERY serious relationship I was in. There are people out there who understand. Broc knows, he doesn't care at all, and he respects and loves me still. NOW to answer the 2nd part; Yes. Broc can get it from me. He DOES NOT have it though, thank God.

Q. Does it hurt you?
A. Yes, very much. Especially since I also have cervical cancer as well. I had a small little surgery in Septemberish time where they removed the cancerous part of it...THE WORST pain I've ever been in. And it still hurts to this day, and always will.

Q. Can you have children?
A. Probably not. I have like an 23% chance to EVER even getting CLOSE to getting pregnant. Right now in our lives, that's a positive thing for us haha. But in the future, it might be tough. We are BIG BELIEVERS in adoption though. Broc AND my father were both adopted. That's 2 men in my life that if they were with their birth parents still, I might not even exsist.

Q. How can I prevent getting HPV?
A. Safe sex. I know this will sound stupid, but if you are considering having sex with someone, you BOTH should get tested and make sure you're all safe and clear! Also, condoms, always.

I'm sorry to anyone who thinks this post is disgusting and not appropriate, but really, it's not THAT big of a deal. I have an amazing life still, and I've learned from my mistakes. I hope whoever out there is reading is educated and enlightened by this. Please don't think of me as a horrible, disgusting person. I'm still the same Haley Carol all of you know and love :)

Catch up List

Here's what happened since I've been on the blogging world:
*Broc and I have been married a year and a month now! Yay!
*New Apartment in the Avenues, super cute.
*Got rid of Reginald and Mortimere....it's okay, they needed a change.
*Got 3 new dogs though! Leia, Xena, and Sheldon Cooper
*I turned 21 yesterday, hella! And a got a rabbit name Prim Rose
*We had our Toyota Camry taken away....so now we're walking/bus/frontrunner people
*Broc is working full time at Artic Circle , and training to become a manager!
*I quit Petco because they cut my hours big time, and a girl harrassed the crap out of me that made me completely miserable
*I am currently looking for a job, but doing yard work and other small jobs for money
*I am grooming from home now though! And it is super fun.

All-in-all, life is weird, but fun! We're happily married, working hard, and living life to the fullest.
What I have learned over this year is to trust a few, love a lot, and hold on tight and never let go to the few things you have.

Happy New Year.....

The term "Happy New Year" was completely ascue from what Broc and I experienced this last week of the year 2011.
Right now as I am typing out this blog post, I'm getting sick to my stomach and feeling the emptiness creep back into my heart and my mind.
My puppies are gone.
There's no bringing them back.
I know that.
I accept that.
But I sure as hell DO NOT want that.

Thursday night, my dear Scarlett started getting all of the signs of Parvo disease.
If you don't know what Parvo is http://dogparvosymptoms.net/ there you go.
It's horrible.
It's disgusting.
It broke my heart.

Friday, Koda was hit with this hell of a disease.
They were both gone by Sunday.
It was mine and Broc's choice to put them down, but they were honestly better off dead.
They lost SO MUCH weight,
so much light in their eyes,
so much will to live,
and I saw it all.
Looking at my babies, knowing that I only have minutes to be with them
I held them in my arms, listening to their soft, staggered breathing,
telling them that they're going to be all better soon and that mommy and daddy love them.

I told them sorry.

Sorry....that's all I could think of right before they left.

Sorry to Scarlett for spanking you when you peed in the house the night we got you,
Sorry to Koda for popping him on the nose when he didn't want a bath.
Sorry for everything wrong.
Sorry for not being able to control this horrid disease that hit them quickly and without fail.

I loved those dogs.
I hope everyone and everything out there knows I do.
I loved those dogs more than anything in this world, and I would've given ANYTHING for them to be alive.

But that wasn't God's plan.
Whoever and whatever he is.
If he even exsists.
But we'll discuss that later.

You honestly don't know what sadness is until you hold your sick puppies in your arms while they're put to sleep.
Knowing that's the right thing to do, but why now?
They're young, full of life.

While I was sitting there waiting for the vet to come in to euthanize them, I thought.
Take me instead. I honestly thought that.
Give me their sickness, I'll battle through it.
Let them be happy and healthy.
What could I sell or how could I get the money to treat them?
What did I do to loose these dogs?
I took SUCH good care of them.
The best food, the best collars, leashes, treats, kennels, everything was perfect.
I thought,
my mind racing.
About to grab my dogs and run.
Find somewhere, Narnia? Hogwarts?
Somewhere unreal that would rescue my dogs.

Then the vet came in.

And that was that.

That was my New Year's.
That was Broc's New Year's.

R.I.P. Scarlett my "pwetty girlfwiend" and Koda Koda's my "ting-ting"
You still have a VERY big place in my heart, and I don't want you to leave it.
Stay in my heart, help me through life.
Because you changed me, and I'm sure you changed Broc.
We will always love you, talk about you, think about you,
You are remembered.


XOXOXO mommy and daddy.