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Thursday, July 10, 2014

What a beautiful mess this is.

I haven't blogged in over a year. But I have good reason, life in the Cozzens' home has drastically changed.

Broc and I are no longer husband and wife. It's been the hardest, toughest, most heartbreaking decision I have ever made. I still to this day question if what I did was the right decision, I may never know. All I do know is that I am a hell of a lot stronger than what I gave myself credit for. And I'm also kicking ass at this single parenting business.

Broc and I are still good friends. He still comes by to visit us, calls regularly to make sure Cole, Todd and I are okay, and we both want to have a good relationship with each other. Not just for us, but especially for our son. We never EVER want Cole to feel like our choice to end our marriage was because of him, and we want him to know that we still care and love each other, but we cannot be together. We will ALWAYS be a family, and I can openly say that I will always love Broc, there is no doubt in that.

Cole and I now live in a cute 2 bedroom apartment close by Viewmont High School. I'm still grooming away, enjoying every second of it. Broc is living with some friends in North Salt Lake and has an amazing job at Lowe's. We are both doing very well for ourselves, and still working as a team to raise our boy right. If in the last 6 years of our relationship didn't count for anything, at least we know we got one thing right; Cole Goulding.

Cole is now almost 13 months old! He is walking everywhere destroying everything, and exploring non stop. He is the light of my life. He is my rock and my reason. I could not go through life without him. Who was I before him? I don't even care. He has made me want to become active in the LDS church again, live a healthier lifestyle, and want to become an all-around better person. I don't think I could've done everything I've been doing recently without him. Cole will never know the real amount of strength and determination that he has given me. I honestly thank The Lord everyday for him, and am so grateful to have the responsibilities of parenthood given to me. It truly is the greatest gift.

All-in-all, life right now is pretty confusing. But it's beautiful, hard, and always changing. I learn something new about myself and my son everyday. I may have thought my life was going to be heading in a totally different direction a year ago, but I wouldn't change my experiences for the world. They have made me the woman I am today. Everyday is different, but I do wake up each morning greeting the day and ready to conqor it with Cole and our red heeler Todd by our side.

Cheers-
Haley Carol