Lets just get this over with!

I've been wanting to blog more, but haven't had the damnest thing to write about!
Then, just out of the blue, I realized I did.
And it's serious.
And if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.
Because this is another "harder" post for me to write.
But there are people out there I KNOW need to here it.

........I have HPV. And Cervical Cancer

If you don't know what HPV is, how you can get it (or prevent it) or just need a brush up on your STD knowledge, http://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv.htm will help you.
I've known about having HPV since August of 2010.
I don't even think my family knows about it.
My husband does, and he's find with it.

JUST TO CLEAR THE AIR, I am not a disgusting deformed woman in ANY way, I am perfectly healthy and "normal looking" and managing my diseases very well.
If ANYONE out there is offened by this, don't hate, just exit off of my blog and let everyone else continue onto reading. This is a hard subject to bring up, but I KNOW people out there need and want to hear this.
Men can get this too, so don't be stupid and immature, boys! ;)

Now, lets get back to business.
I'm sure whoever, if anyone is still reading this, have lots of questions. I'll bring up a few I've had the few people that know about this have asked me.

Q. Did Broc give it to you? And can he get it himself?
A. No. I had one other sexual partner before I met Broc. People, don't act perfect and think I'm some whore or something. It was a VERY serious relationship I was in. There are people out there who understand. Broc knows, he doesn't care at all, and he respects and loves me still. NOW to answer the 2nd part; Yes. Broc can get it from me. He DOES NOT have it though, thank God.

Q. Does it hurt you?
A. Yes, very much. Especially since I also have cervical cancer as well. I had a small little surgery in Septemberish time where they removed the cancerous part of it...THE WORST pain I've ever been in. And it still hurts to this day, and always will.

Q. Can you have children?
A. Probably not. I have like an 23% chance to EVER even getting CLOSE to getting pregnant. Right now in our lives, that's a positive thing for us haha. But in the future, it might be tough. We are BIG BELIEVERS in adoption though. Broc AND my father were both adopted. That's 2 men in my life that if they were with their birth parents still, I might not even exsist.

Q. How can I prevent getting HPV?
A. Safe sex. I know this will sound stupid, but if you are considering having sex with someone, you BOTH should get tested and make sure you're all safe and clear! Also, condoms, always.

I'm sorry to anyone who thinks this post is disgusting and not appropriate, but really, it's not THAT big of a deal. I have an amazing life still, and I've learned from my mistakes. I hope whoever out there is reading is educated and enlightened by this. Please don't think of me as a horrible, disgusting person. I'm still the same Haley Carol all of you know and love :)

Catch up List

Here's what happened since I've been on the blogging world:
*Broc and I have been married a year and a month now! Yay!
*New Apartment in the Avenues, super cute.
*Got rid of Reginald and Mortimere....it's okay, they needed a change.
*Got 3 new dogs though! Leia, Xena, and Sheldon Cooper
*I turned 21 yesterday, hella! And a got a rabbit name Prim Rose
*We had our Toyota Camry taken away....so now we're walking/bus/frontrunner people
*Broc is working full time at Artic Circle , and training to become a manager!
*I quit Petco because they cut my hours big time, and a girl harrassed the crap out of me that made me completely miserable
*I am currently looking for a job, but doing yard work and other small jobs for money
*I am grooming from home now though! And it is super fun.

All-in-all, life is weird, but fun! We're happily married, working hard, and living life to the fullest.
What I have learned over this year is to trust a few, love a lot, and hold on tight and never let go to the few things you have.

Happy New Year.....

The term "Happy New Year" was completely ascue from what Broc and I experienced this last week of the year 2011.
Right now as I am typing out this blog post, I'm getting sick to my stomach and feeling the emptiness creep back into my heart and my mind.
My puppies are gone.
There's no bringing them back.
I know that.
I accept that.
But I sure as hell DO NOT want that.

Thursday night, my dear Scarlett started getting all of the signs of Parvo disease.
If you don't know what Parvo is http://dogparvosymptoms.net/ there you go.
It's horrible.
It's disgusting.
It broke my heart.

Friday, Koda was hit with this hell of a disease.
They were both gone by Sunday.
It was mine and Broc's choice to put them down, but they were honestly better off dead.
They lost SO MUCH weight,
so much light in their eyes,
so much will to live,
and I saw it all.
Looking at my babies, knowing that I only have minutes to be with them
I held them in my arms, listening to their soft, staggered breathing,
telling them that they're going to be all better soon and that mommy and daddy love them.

I told them sorry.

Sorry....that's all I could think of right before they left.

Sorry to Scarlett for spanking you when you peed in the house the night we got you,
Sorry to Koda for popping him on the nose when he didn't want a bath.
Sorry for everything wrong.
Sorry for not being able to control this horrid disease that hit them quickly and without fail.

I loved those dogs.
I hope everyone and everything out there knows I do.
I loved those dogs more than anything in this world, and I would've given ANYTHING for them to be alive.

But that wasn't God's plan.
Whoever and whatever he is.
If he even exsists.
But we'll discuss that later.

You honestly don't know what sadness is until you hold your sick puppies in your arms while they're put to sleep.
Knowing that's the right thing to do, but why now?
They're young, full of life.

While I was sitting there waiting for the vet to come in to euthanize them, I thought.
Take me instead. I honestly thought that.
Give me their sickness, I'll battle through it.
Let them be happy and healthy.
What could I sell or how could I get the money to treat them?
What did I do to loose these dogs?
I took SUCH good care of them.
The best food, the best collars, leashes, treats, kennels, everything was perfect.
I thought,
my mind racing.
About to grab my dogs and run.
Find somewhere, Narnia? Hogwarts?
Somewhere unreal that would rescue my dogs.

Then the vet came in.

And that was that.

That was my New Year's.
That was Broc's New Year's.

R.I.P. Scarlett my "pwetty girlfwiend" and Koda Koda's my "ting-ting"
You still have a VERY big place in my heart, and I don't want you to leave it.
Stay in my heart, help me through life.
Because you changed me, and I'm sure you changed Broc.
We will always love you, talk about you, think about you,
You are remembered.


XOXOXO mommy and daddy.

Feelin Groovy

So I feel like lately I've been overwhelming myself with life.
I know that's cliche.
But it's true so fuck off!
I need to learn to let go again.
Just to enjoy the day ahead of me, and worry about stuff if it actually happens
which 93.5% it never does....
So why is that?

Why do people overthink life?

I find it super frustrating that the world revolves around money. NOTHING is free anymore.
nothing.
If you win a free burger at McDonalds, you most likely have to drive to get there. Gas=money
If you make a friend, you're entitled to either go to lunch with them, buy them lunch, or get them gifts (if you're anything like me, I LOVE buying people shit) presents and food=money

Now I'm not trying to complain, I'm just wondering why life is the way it is and kinda just babbling on in this post because I have a lot on my mind and my husband is already asleep at 9:31 at night.
So the question and/or thought for me is: why didn't I enjoy being a kid and a teenager?
I was SO determined my whole life to grow up and be older than I was.
To have multiple jobs when I didn't need one.
To go on dates and hang out late.
To disobey my parents and not listen to their advace.

Well joke's on me; I'm a F***ING adult now.
Time to HAVE mulitple jobs just to make ends meet.
Time to go on dates if there's time for one, and hang out late at work.
Time to not have parents around 24/7 to disobey, because now I need them.

I love being grown up, don't get me wrong.
I just wish I would've treasured my youth a little bit more.
I wish I would've been nicer to people at school.
I wish I would've hung out with my family more and not worried about boys or parties.
I wish I would've been less ADHD and just done my homework.

But now it is time to grow up and be a woman, starting with this blog post.
I understand this post is a bit weird, I'm just scatter-brained and can't sleep.
But now my thoughts are typed out, and my mind is clear.

1st Plus Photo Shoot

I was having an off day the other week, so good ol' Kelsey took me out and took photos of me to show me how beautiful I am and that being different isn't a bad thing. I can't help but NOT to post these photos because they are SO gorgeous. Enjoy, like I even have to tell you...they're amazing!!!

We were just driving and found this place. Cars were coming back and it was sort of akward haha. Like tons of cars!

Possibly my favorite one ever. In my favorite Urban Outfitter's sweater :) yes, big girls can shop at the sickest places still, don't fret!

Kelsey said I look just like my mammy in this one. And you know what, I'm okay with that now :) because I feel I look like BOTH my mother and father in this picture. And that's beautiful

I really like this one. I'm wearing a shirt my little brother gave me that I wear on a regular basis, a scarf that I got from Rodger's Memorial Theatre before it turned into CenterPointe, and shoes my husband bought me. Everything I love is in this one simple picture. And it makes me whole.

Well I hope everyone enjoyed this little post, and if anyone out there wants their pictures taken for cheap and a good quality, Kelsey Yokam is the girl to talk to. She takes ALL of my pictures.

LOL--Lots of Love

This guilty feeling inside

So now that I'm back onto the Internet world, for example; facebook, pinterest, and polyvore.....
I feel this awful feeling inside that I need to apologize.
For being needy
For being nosey
For being a bitch
For talking bad about people
For thinking bad about people
For being grumpy
For being angry
For complaining
For being unsatisfied
For pouting
For yelling
For crying
For lying
For anything that I have ever done wrong that was either intentional or non-intentional and hurting some one's feelings and/or other's feelings. (phew I said that all in one breath)
For sometimes not being Haley Carol.

I'M SORRY!!!

No excuses, but reasons. Life has given me some twists and turns, some ups and downs, and I haven't handled them right. I'm working on that. Come on, I'm human.
I'm 20, I'm still young and reckless! And I'm Haley Carol, I'll ALWAYS over dramatize things.
But at least I'm being honest that sometimes I'm not the easiest pill to swallow.
I regret hurting people, losing friendships and other relationships (not past boyfriends, hell no haha!) and most importantly, hurting my family, including in-laws.
I want to be a role model in SO many ways.
This will be a good start.

Again, I'M SORRY!!!

I honestly am going to try my hardest to be the old Haley Carol that everyone loved and looked up to.
I'm not going to change who I am, just make myself nicer.
The world needs nicer people, I want to be one of them.
And if I'm going to love myself, I need to learn to love others.
I am so sorry to anyone and everyone I've hurt.
Know that I love everyone. I really do.

I love everyone's differences, it makes them beautiful and interesting.
I have SO MANY amazing friends and family members, all with different interests and talents.
I have SO MANY beautiful friends and family members, looks, personalities, the whole sha-bang!
I have ONE AMAZING AND BEAUTIFUL husband who thinks this blog post is weird, but understands that I can't apologize  to everyone all at once, so this will have to do.

But there are a few people who are going to get super long and heart-felt one on one apologies.
So get ready people.
There's a nicer Haley Carol Cozzens in town.
And she's ready to give you so much nice, you might even miss the old me :)

LOL---LOTS OF LOVE

Pretty is a Plus

Wow, I haven't blogged in forever, sorry guys! But I;ve thought of a new post, and basically a new blogging style that I am going to start. This is a huge step for me, so take a deep breath, and enjoy...

I'm big boned.
Always have been, always will be.
......
I'm a size 16.
And you know what? I'm proud of it.
I have a great body, good strong healthy bones, and an awesome ass :)
I'm a size 16 and I STILL wear skinny jeans.
I wear nothing BUT skinnies.

I love myself.
And everyone out there who deals with big bones, weight problems, or anything that doesn't make you a size 2 should love yourself as well.

I'm beautiful.
My husband tells me so.
Yes, I'm a size 16 and married.
Guys like curves.
My husband LOOOOVES them.
We have a great, amazing marriage, even though I'm a bigger girl and he's a smaller guy.
He thinks I'm the hottest girl out there, and makes ME think I am too!

I'm not cocky, I have self esteem.
Everyone who might even come across this post should have self esteem too.
And if you don't, come talk to me.

this is me. sporting my plus size self. And feeling GREAT about it.
I wear whatever clothes I feel like wearing.
And yes, they're usually a Large or XL.

Wanna know some other pluses to being a plus?
-big boobs
-nice round butt
-sexy flowing shirts and dresses
-loud laugh and WAY more personality to have

I hope someone out there reads this post and appreciates being themselves.
Even if you're tiny, love yourself.
My best friend eats like a man, but has the tiniest body in the world.
She's hot and embraces it! (Love you KT)
But to you Juicy Lucy's out there, YOU. ARE. BEAUTIFUL.


Don't ever forget that.